[back to top]

How to get that second wind

Feeling run down? You'll turn things around in five minutes if you....
 
REFUEL. Snack on fiber-rich munchies, such as dried apricots, bananas, baby carrots or rye wafers. Benefit: The fiber slows the release of glucose (a sugar) into your bloodstream and helps fight energy dips.

BREATHE DEEPLY. Every 1-2 hours, spend five minutes inhaling and exhaling deeply, hands on ribs. You'll promote calmness and mental focus as well as renewed energy.

GO ON AN "IMAGI-CATION." Close your eyes and take a mental vacation by imagining a peaceful scene...on an island...in a meadow...by the ocean. Imagine yourself relaxing there.

CALL A CONFIDANTE. Use your personal support system - family, friends or co-workers - to quickly unload and unwind.

SNAP OUT OF IT.  Splash cold water on your face, snap a rubber band worn on the wrist or pop a breath mint - mint flavors are stimulating.

TAKE A "GOOD NEWS" INVENTORY. At the end of the day, jot down all the good things that happened. You'll be surprised at how much went right. Plus, you'll set yourself up for a good night's sleep...and energize yourself for tomorrow.
 
The Health Promotion and Wellness Newsletter

[back to top]

Saying no can be a positive

Society has a plague of yes-people

Some people seem to have little difficulty saying no - like bosses refusing a bigger raise or actors who won't give interviews unless they have a new movie to promote.

"The rest of us," notes social psychologist Susan Newman, "have difficulty saying no to our children, no to relationships that aren't working, no to our bosses or to the friend who wants to borrow our brand-new car."

As the pace of society quickens, Newman says, there is an epidemic of yes-people, people who try to please everyone. "It often seems easier to say yes or slide along with the status quo" says Newman, author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It - and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill) "In the long run, it isn't."

Jessica Bacharach was dating a sweetheart of a guy. Even though she wanted to end it - there was just no chemistry - she couldn't.

"Every time I tried to have The Talk, he did something super-cute, like bring me brownies or put together my new Ikea furniture," the New York fashion publicist says. "He kept asking me out, and I kept saying yes." She finally ended it when she met someone else. "I realized I didn't want to settle for anything less than amazing."

Such behavior isn't unusual, psychologists and self-help writers says. Most of us have been programmed to think - and say - yes, sure, no problem, without considering the consequences of what we agree to do. Whether it's kids who beg to stay up late or a relationship that's going nowhere, people often try to accommodate others, saying yes when they really mean no, even if it's to their own disadvantage.

"Most people hate confrontations - and that includes the rudeness and discomfort that comes from saying no to somebody," says Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of Is He Mr. Right? Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit (Harmony). "Because of their fear of that short-term unpleasantness, they're willing to subject themselves to years of an unhappy relationship."

Says Newman: "More often than not, yes is uncalled for. While the worry is that someone won't like you or will think of you as uncaring, the reality is, especially in relationships, it's better to have closure so both parties can move on.

"People don't think about you as much as you worry about what they think."

Newman says people view saying no as something negative, and that perception has been ingrained from childhood. "If you said no to sharing your toys as a toddler, you were sent to your room; as you got older and refused a parental rule or direction you had privileges taken away. These early experiences translate into concrete fears of saying no."

And men say they have the same problem.

W. Thomas Smith Jr., 47, a divorced journalist and military expert in Columbia, S.C., believes women are "simply more complex" when it comes to conflict and men have never developed the skills to engage them properly.

"It's men who are terrified of giving women bad news." Smith says, "A woman's reaction is rarely predictable to a man."

Says April Masini, author of Think & Date Like a Man (iUniverse) "Men are different from women, and that's the bottom line. They have different needs and ways of expressing themselves. If a man doesn't call, he's not interested in making the time to call." But a woman "will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out all the reasons he hasn't called, rather than just... moving on."

Newman says parents also can't say no to their kids today.

The pressure to raise "star" children is high, and when combined with parents' own work, family and community pressures, the word "no" seems to be extinct in parenting by the time a child reaches his or her fifth birthday.

"Parents say yes because they have e-mail to check, the Internet to search, phone calls to return, or another child to drive to another scheduled activity that will look good on his or her college application," she says.

Lisa Jacobson, CEO of Inspirica, a test preparation and tutoring firm, believes today's baby boomers want to do everything possible to help their children achieve.

"Subconsciously, most of what we do is about helping our kids ultimately get accepted into a "good" college," Jacobson says. Parents see ways they can help their kids get an edge, so they do, she adds: "Most parents truly want their children to be happy and think this is the way they will be happy."

It may take work to learn to stop saying yes when you don't mean it, but Masini says it can be done.

"The first step is to realize when you're doing it - and sometimes the step before that is to realize you don't feel good when you say yes when you mean no," she says.

Once you're conscious of it "you can stop."

By Judy Mandell, Special for USA Today

[back to top]

Learn the facts about avian flue

As if modern life isn't stressful enough, we now are hearing about the possible pandemic of "bird flu." A recent made-for-TV movie didn't help by graphically portraying the chaos that could occur if millions contract this potentially fatal illness. But by learning the facts and avoiding the tendency to panic (remember Y2K?) we can minimize unreasonable fear.

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services has developed two offical Websites listed below which will provide you and your family with a wealth of information to help sort fact from fiction in understanding this disease.

Two HHS websites (www.avianflu.gov) and (www.pandemicflu.gov) will provide you with the very latest information on your particular state's plan for dealing with an outbreak and will acquaint you with sound medical information as well as toll-free numbers to call to report dead birds in your area.

By ESI

[back to top]

Grief and bereavement issues

Helping Other Adults Cope with Grief

In our relationships, we can also be called upon to support others who are grieving a loss. This can be awkward. Many people are unsure what to say or do to be helpful. They worry that they will inadvertently cause additional problems for grieving people by saying or doing the wrong thing. Grief is an individual thing; there really is no set formula for how best to be of service to grieving people. There are, fortunately, principles that can be followed that are most always appropriate.
 
Reaching Out - Many people are hesitant to reach out to those who are grieving and instead choose to wait for the grieving person to ask for assistance. However, the griever may be dealing with so much that he or she is unable to let others know that help is needed. He or she may be ashamed or embarrassed to not be handling everything well on his or her own. Having a family member or friend offer support or encouragement can be very welcome and much needed.
 
Help should be offered in the form of specific tasks that the griever may need assistance with, rather than a general "call if you need anything". Grievers are often overwhelmed and not thinking straight, and so may not be able to say what it is they need help with. Would-be helpers can be of greatest service by trying to anticipate what the grieving person needs done, and offering specifically to do those things. Offering to cook, run errands, pick up groceries, clean the house, take care of a pet, etc. are all good examples of specifically helpful things that can be offered.
 
Don't Minimize the Loss - Often people are unsure what to say to those who are grieving. While wanting to make the grieving person feel better, they may actually accomplish the opposite by minimizing the loss, or insinuating that he or she is not behaving as others expect. Avoid using phrases like, "She led a long life and it was her time", it was probably for the best". These phrases attempt to offer comfort by framing the loss in the context of religion or in terms of the larger perspective. Any attempts of this nature can seem like you are minimizing the fresh and overwhelming loss. Such phrases can easily come off the wrong way, leaving the grieving person angry and feeling that you are insensitive or afraid.
 
The best types of comments to make avoid any attempt to frame the loss, and instead, simply comment on the difficult situation, how sorry you are that the loss had to occur, and whether or not you can be of support or help to the grieving person. A heartfelt and simple, "I'm so sorry for your loss", works quite well.
 
Listen - Instead of trying to offer "helpful" comments that run the risk of minimizing the grieving person's experience, you can offer genuine assistance by simply being present and listening to what the grieving person has to say. Many grievers simply need someone to be there to listen to them and allow them to vent their overwhelming emotions. They are likely to need to be heard and witnessed, rather than to have someone try to make them feel better.
 
Don't be Afraid to Mention the Lost Person, Place or Thing - Often people may fear that if they use the deceased person's name or refer to the loss, they may make the griever feel worse. However, many grievers feel better if those around them are not acting as though the person or relationship never existed and that nothing has changed. Acknowledging the loss is frequently beneficial to the grieving process. A corollary bit of advice that goes along with not being afraid to mention names, is to not baby the grieving person, but instead treat them normally. The griever needs to see that others are interacting with them as they always have and not treating them with extra-gentle "kid gloves".
 
Suggest Professional Help - If it becomes clear that a griever is getting stuck in their grieving process, experiencing difficulty processing their loss or having troubling physical symptoms, family members or friends should suggest that the grieving person see a therapist or a medical doctor so as to gain assistance in dealing with their grief.
 
MentalHelp.net

[back to top]