Employee Health Systems - May 2005 Newsletter

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EAP Newsletter - October 2006

In This Issue:

Couples can be too close for comfort

Can your job kill you?

10 ways to fend off work stress

Bedtime rituals can help get kids tucked in

A disturbing trend of loneliness

Couples can be too close for comfort

Uneven needs are common

A relationship that borders on the claustrophobic is more common than people might think, says a California researcher who has been studying just how close is "too close."

Debra Mashek, an assistant professor of psychology at Harvey Mudd College in Claremont, Calif., says the idea of feeling "too close" varies with the individual and the couple. Partnerships that are "joined at the hip" might be fine for some couples but too much togetherness for others. She says what's clear is that when people feel as if the world revolves around their partner and they have lost their sense of self, that is definitely "too close."

Mashek says the area of study is important in mental health. When she asked specifics about feeling "too close," people in her studies described "feeling trapped" or "smothered" or "suffocated."

Mashek's work on the prevalence of feeling "too close" appeared in her 2004 book, Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy. Now a paper she has written on that phenomenon is awaiting publication.

The desire for personal space vs. closeness or intimacy varies by the individual, which can create problems if the partners view their needs differently, says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor at the State University of New York-Stony Brook who co-edited Handbook.

"The basic issue about being too close is being closer than you're comfortable with," Aron says. "For some people, even slightly close is too much, and for other people being enormously close is great."

In one of her studies, Mashek asked 611 undergraduate college students how often they felt "too close" to their partners. She found that 57% experienced that feeling at least once during the semester.

"If we look at the ones who said it was 'too close' a lot of people said they felt 'too close' within the past month but now everything is cool," she says.

What's key, Mashek says, is "finding a way to re-establish the balance between the 'we-ness and the me-ness' of what a relationship is all about."

Other studies involved 1,200 students who looked at overlapping pairs of circles and selected the one describing their relationship; another study involved 100 non-students who completed surveys.

Harry Reis, a psychology professor at the University of Rochester who has studied intimacy and close relationships, says gender differences are apparent in the type of closeness desired.

As an example, women may want more closeness in communication, while men may want it through shared experiences, such as a recreational activity.

He says close relationships can take a toll, especially when a partner dies. Studies show the survivor might have significant problems because life was so structured around the other.

For couples who work together, the type of work and the relationship itself make a difference. Studies show that doing things that are novel and challenging strengthens the relationship, Aron says.

By Sharon Jayson, USA Today

Deadlines, obnoxious co-workers, evil bosses. These are all challenges that many people have to face everyday at work.

OK, these factors can be downright annoying and unpleasant, but can they really be harmful to you?

Yes, says Lyssa Menard, Ph.D., clinical health psychologist at the Wellness Institute at Northwestern Memorial Hospital and Assistant Professor at Northwestern University in Chicago. "The harmful effects of stress are well documented."

In fact, high stress levels have been linked to many serious medical conditions, such as heart disease and high blood pressure, eczema, migraines, sleep problems, excessive anger and fatigue.

"Stress creates a major strain on your body, especially your heart," Menard warned.

Our bodies are equipped with a built-in alarm system. When things get dangerous or stressful, our bodies react with the "fight or flight" response, releasing hormones that increase your heart rate and blood pressure to give you that extra burst of energy to flee from danger.

It's a great mechanism to help you run from a raging wild beast, but not very helpful in the office setting. If you don't burn off those hormones, they stay in your body, causing an uneven heart rate and possibly leading to chronic high blood pressure.

It's when stress becomes recurring and habitual that there is real damage, Menard said.

1. Job Security - This is the No. 1 cause of stress among the patients Dr. Menard sees. "People are fearful of losing their jobs, so they work more and then get stressed and burn themselves out," she says. Also, many bosses may be working employees harder to meet demands for higher cost efficiency and productivity.

2. Poor Diet - Caffeine and nicotine often are used to get people through stressful situations. "Indulging in these or other substances, such as drugs and alcohol, only intensifies the stress cycle," Menard warns. "The more caffeine you drink, the less you sleep. The less you sleep, the more tired and tense you feel." And so on...

3. Lack of Sleep - This in and of itself can be a stressor. Usually the more tired you are, the less patience you have, and you are more apt to fly off the handle. So it's important to get enough sleep and burn off those excess stress hormones with some exercise or meditation.

4. Success - Sometimes being successful actually can lead to anxiety. Dr. Menard notes that people in high-pay, high-stress professions, such as financial traders, feel extreme pressures to make money for their companies and their clients. They know if they don't bring in the money, they will lose their accounts and perhaps their jobs. However, even if they are successful, dealing with great amounts of money and just the art of the deal can become addictive, keeping them in a perpetual state of tension.

5. Feeling No Control - Many of Dr. Menard's patients report feeling they have no power over their job responsibilities and that someone else is always pulling the strings. This can be a great source of worry, especially if they have a never-ending workload to complete.

Bottom Line: Periodically examine your work life for these triggers. If you find an elevation in one or more, talk to your doctor about ways to bring it under control and protect your physical and mental health.

Your phone is ringing, your voice mail light is flashing and you're ignoring your overcrowded e-mail inbox to work on the presentation you will be giving in 10 minutes. Feeling a little stressed? Here are some tips to help you control that swell of panic that seems to follow you around all day at work.

1. Stop and take a deep breath. When you're stressed, you tend to take very shallow breaths. Taking slow, deep breaths through your nose not only forces you to calm down, but if also gives your body extra oxygen to maintain your focus and energy.

2. Take a quick break. Get up out of your chair and stretch, walk down a few flights of stairs or just meander out in the hallway. This will give you a much-needed emotional and physical break from a stressful situation.

3. Organize your workspace. Come in a few minutes early one day and clear the clutter off your desk and file the project folders appropriately so you won't have to search through heaps of paper the next time you're looking for a particular document. Nothing is more frustrating than knowing what you need is "right here somewhere," but you just can't find it.

4. Walk at lunch. Make a lunchtime jaunt a regular feature in your day. It will give you something to look forward to, especially on those days when you feel you could pull your hair out.

5. Learn to laugh more. Everyone needs a release. Will you stomp around the office and complain, or will you combat those stress hormones with a hearty release of endorphins through laughter? It's your choice. Read the comics, or tell a joke.

6. Make your environment work-friendly. Do you have a glare on your computer screen? Is it too hot in your cube? Try to fix these external factors to make your work environment the most comfortable and conducive to productivity.

7. Exercise regularly. Besides your little walking breaks at work, be sure to schedule some exercise time at home and on the weekends. You don't need to compete in "ironman" competitions to feel the positive effects of exercise. A simple walk or bike ride around your neighborhood works just as well.

8. Take up a hobby. Do you like to garden? Work jigsaw puzzles? Always wanted to learn to play an instrument? Do whatever it takes to give your mind a break and think of something other than work.

9. Read an escape novel. Get engrossed in a good book. Nothing transports you from the ugly grips of reality to a totally different place like reading.

10. Get plenty of rest. Even little things can easily get blown out of proportion if you're tired and cranky. Coming to work well-rested may give you the gumption you need to stare stress in the face and keep yourself from boiling over.

Children stall. They argue. They pout. Sometimes both parents and kids end up in tears.

But parents can ease bedtime battles by creating a consistent routine, sleep experts say. A yearlong campaign starting today advises parents that they may be able to skip the nightly drama if they set a pattern of quiet activities every night at the same time.

"Parents are so stressed and busy that they think of a routine as one more thing on their to-do list, and it's very over-whelming." says Laura Jana, a pediatrician and parenting expert who is a spokeswoman for the campaign. "But a routine actually makes life less chaotic. Nighttime can go from being one of the most hectic times of the day to one of the most protected and calm."

Sleep is critical to the well-being of both children and adults. An Institute of Medicine report released earlier this year found that sleep loss has "profound and widespread effects on human health."

Obesity appears to be a serious concern for kids who don't get enough sleep. Children ages 5 to 10 who slept less than 10 hours a night were 3 1/2 times more at risk of being over-weight than kids who slept 12 hours or more, according to a study by Canadian researchers. Children in that age range should sleep about 10 to 12 hours a night, the National Sleep Foundation says.

A routine can help get children under the covers and keep them there. "Kids with bedtime routines get more sleep," says Jodi Mindell, vice chairman of the National Sleep Foundation and the author of Sleeping Through the Night. She is not involved in the campaign.

Mindell and other experts recommend that parents put children to bed at the same time each night and have a routine of three to four activities that last up to 45 minutes. Some activities that can help children wind down include taking a bath, brushing their teeth, doing a puzzle and reading books.

Reading is particularly beneficial because it boosts literacy and cuts the amount of time kids spend playing on the computer or watching TV, which may cause problems in falling and staying asleep, experts such as Mindell say.

Parents should start simple routines when their children are babies, Mindell says.

The sleep initiative launched this year is sponsored by Aquafresh and Dr. Seuss Enterprises. Sponsors plan to hold events at which they will hand out brochures on creating and maintaining a bedtime routine.

A nighttime routine is good not only for kids' sleeping habits but also for their relationships with their parents, says Kim West, a sleep therapist and co-author of Good Night, Sleep Tight. She is not involved in the campaign.

"Routines that are consistent are comforting." West says. "And in our rushed society, bedtime is a great time for parents to talk to their kids, kiss them and show them how to slow down."

By Rebecca Adams
special for USA Today

From quiet nursing homes to vibrant college campuses, from small towns to crowded cities, Americans are confronting a growing ailment with no single cause or cure.

In June, an authoritative study in the American Sociological Review found that the average American had only two close friends in whom they could confide on important matters, down from an average of three in 1985 and four in 1965. The number of people who said that they had no such confidant at all soared from 10% in 1985 to 25% in 2005. An additional 19% said that they had only one confidant. This latter group may be the most "at risk" according to Dr. Lynn Smith-Lovin, co-author of the study, who observes that "If you lose that one person in your life, either because the relationship declines or the person dies, you have no one left to support you."

This trend toward isolation is borne out in the latest U.S. census figures which show that one-fourth of the nation's households - 27.2 million of them - consist of just one person compared with 10% in 1950.

It seems ironic, even to those who are affected, that this loneliness epidemic is happening at the present time. The nation has never been more populous, soon to reach the 300 million mark, and we have never been more "connected" by cell phones, pagers, instant messaging and e-mail. Yet so many of us remain alone in the crowd.

In its most pronounced forms. loneliness is considered a serious, even life-threatening affliction that heightens the risks for heart disease, depression and thoughts of suicide according to the American Psychological Association. A sense of isolation can strike at almost any age or demographic sector: parents struggling to adjust to a suddenly empty nest, divorced individuals unable to rebuild a social life, retired persons who miss their former "team mates" at the workplace.

John Powell, a psychologist at the University of Illinois counseling center, says that it's common for incoming freshmen to stay in their rooms, chatting by computer with high school friends rather than venturing out on campus to make new acquaintances. "The frequency and volume of contact by electronic means does not necessarily translate into the quality of real human contact," according to Powell.

The good news is that there are proven cures for loneliness! Many counselors suggest that one develop and pursue an interest, hobby, sport or avocation and follow it. That person will soon be in contact with others who enjoy that same endeavor. Real friendships can germinate from such shared interests. To discuss more strategies for overcoming loneliness, we encourage you to contact us at your Employee Assistance Program to discuss your particular situation in depth.

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