Employee Health Systems - June 2007 Newsletter

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EAP Newsletter - October 2008

In This Issue:

Life's Toughest Move

Gratitude: The Path to Happiness

Side Effect of an Ailing Economy: Spike in Domestic Abuse

Being There for Seriously Ill Loved One is Important

Sound Ways for Parents to Meet the Bully Head-on

Life's Toughest Move

We already know that millions of full time working Americans are tasked with the responsibility of being primary caregivers for an elderly family member. In fact, MetLife recently issued a research report indicating that 12.5 million full time workers are the sole caregivers for older family members.

But even if your aging parents and grandparents are currently living independent lives, there will come a time when most of them will need to relocate and adjust to living environments more conducive to their stage of life. In fact, an increasing percentage of the 78 million baby boomers will sooner or later face the daunting prospect of moving their aging parents out of homes they can no longer manage. Of these boomers, one turns 50 every seven seconds. Of their aging parents, 70% are over 75 and still own their own homes. But quite often, these are homes where they raised their families and have become ill-suited for elderly inhabitants. The increasing costs of upkeep and utilities for these family homesteads only adds to the dangers associated with climbing staircases and maintaining necessary upkeep.

People in general are overwhelmed by the practical and psychological problems involved in moving. Seniors especially don't want to talk about it and their adult children usually don't know how to broach the subject. They may do their best to address the issue, but typically postpone the entire subject when they meet with resistance.

Fortunately, a recent publication written in a quick-read format shows harried employees how to move their loved ones in a healthy and satisfying way while keeping their own lives in balance and maintaining their own job focus. Besides demonstrating the recommended ways to handle the myriad practical details of a senior move, No Ordinary Move, Relocating Your Aging Parents by Barbara Z. Perman and Jim Ballard also addresses the all-important emotional aspects of the moving process for both generations.

The main story character is a working parent whose life is further complicated by the realization that her parents can't remain in the home in which she and her brothers grew up. She learns from a senior move manager who guides her and her family through the proper steps to the final healing move. In addition to the narrative story, the book includes a 101-step manual with tasks arranged in the eight stages of the classic senior move. Quite realistically, stage #1 is predicated on the assumption that your parents' initial reaction will likely be, "The only way I'm ever moving from here is when they carry me out feet first."

More information on this important subject can be found at www.NoOrdinaryMove.com. And remember that your Employee Assistance Program is always available to help you address all the eldercare challenges that most of us will inevitably face.

Here's a seemingly impossible task - In the middle of your next busy day, put aside thoughts of work responsibilities or your kids' soccer schedule and take a minute to be thankful for what you have. According to recent research, you'll be much happier if you do!

Since 1998, Professor Robert Emmons of the University of California-Davis, has been studying the role that gratitude plays in happiness. As it turns out, grateful people are happy people. "People who show gratitude experience significantly higher levels of joy and other positive emotions," says Dr. Emmons. "They also seem much less bothered by minor illnesses and common stressors."

But gratitude was not a natural subject for Emmons. "Psychologists have a long history of studying things they're bad at. I was always someone who took things for granted." Indeed, his research revealed that a lot of people have obstacles to gratitude. The demands of everyday life and a resistance to being dependent on others are the two biggest. "Gratitude is the opposite of personal autonomy; you're acknowledging that you are dependent on others and that can be very hard for some people."

However, those who make a conscious effort to "take stock" of the good things in their lives as well as those who have helped make those things possible (parents, friends, co-workers, neighbors) report much higher levels of positive emotions and lower levels of stress and depression than those who are "me" centered. Grateful people also enjoy a greater sense of "connectedness" with their friends and family.

We are noting an unhappy trend in news headlines lately - we've seen an unsettling amount of news stories from various parts of the country reporting on an increase in domestic violence: California, Michigan, New Hampshire, Wisconsin and Louisiana all report spikes in the number of reported cases of domestic violence. And in Pennsylvania, officials sound an alarm about domestic violence deaths - thirty such deaths occurred in the state during a 30-day period beginning June 22, according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

These are just the few headlines we've gleaned from a Google search of news items in the last few weeks' no doubt, they are merely the tip of the iceberg. A correlation between the economy and domestic violence makes complete sense to most counselors and professionals who work with troubled people: when the economy falters, domestic violence rises. Money is one of the most disputed family issues in the best of times, but when pressures mount - job loss, home foreclosures, increased costs of living - frayed tempers often give way to violence.

A spike in domestic violence should be of concern to employers for a number of reasons. The health and well-being of workers is directly linked to productivity, and a problem as highly intense and disruptive as domestic violence leads to absenteeism, lower productivity, turnover, and excessive use of medical benefits. Researchers from the University of Arkansas found that women who were victims of recent domestic violence had 26 percent more time lost to tardiness and absenteeism than non-victims. And violence frequently spills over into the workplace. In a National Safe Workplace Institute survey, 94% of corporate security directors ranked partner violence as a high security problem.

From our vantage as an EAP, we see that employers can play a pivotal role in helping to curb domestic violence. That help may be as simple as being alert for warning signs and making referrals to an EAP to instituting a full workplace awareness and education program. One good resource that employers should know about is the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence. They offer an extensive library of resources ranging from educational materials and sample policies to practical dos and don'ts for employers. One resource that we find particularly helpful is the best practice library where programs from a few dozen of the nation's most prominent employers are profiled - it's a good way to get ideas for things you could do at your workplace.

When someone you know becomes seriously ill, it can be hard to know what to say.

If you're a parent worried that your child could be cyberbullied, experts say you should follow the basic steps. Most important, talk to your child. Make sure he or she is observing online safety rules, such as never giving out personal information.

A child who's being bullied may exhibit signs such as withdrawing, lethargy, depression, extreme change in behavior and frequent illnesses, says Jodee Blanco, a school consultant and author of two books on bullying.

If the problem is affecting a child in school, talk to the principal, says Nancy Willard, cyberbullying expert and author of Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats. School administrators should deal with each instance on a case-by-case basis. Not all experts agree on the perfect remedy.

Punishment is usually appropriate, but some say if not meted out carefully, it can result in the bully taking more revenge on the victim.

Cyberspace may seem like an abstract concept to older adults, but to kids who have grown up socially networking, it's an integral and important part of their lives.

By the same token, experts also agree that banishing a victim from websites, computers and cellphones is like banishing them from their world. Plus, it doesn't work.